2024哈佛大学申请论文范文分享

　　2023哈佛大学申请论文范文分享（附招生官评论）

　　文章原文：摘选自哈佛2023录取新生Lucien

　　“I sat under the table, burying my head tightly in my folded arms, while the other children sat on the carpet, listening to the teacher’s story. The language barrier was like a tsunami, gurgling with strange and indistinguishable vocalizations. Elementary school wasn’t as fun as I expected at all.

　　“Hello?”

　　Hearing a whisper, I raised my head up, only to notice a boy’s face merely inches away. I bolted up in surprise, my head colliding gracefully with the underside of the table. Yelping in pain, I noticed that the entire class was staring at me.

　　That was the story of how I met my first friend in Canada.

　　That boy, Jack, came to visit me during my lonely recesses. It was rather awkward at first—I could only stare at him as he rambled on in English. But it was comforting to have some company.

　　From there, our friendship blossomed. Our initial conversations must have been hilarious to the hapless bystander. Jack would speak in fluent English while I spurted sentence after sentence of Mandarin. It was like watching tennis—rallies of English and Mandarin back and forth. But I learned quickly, and in no time I was fluent.

　　Jack also showed me the ropes of Western culture. Heaven knows how embarrassing my birthday party would’ve been if he hadn’t told me about those so-called “loot-bags” beforehand.

　　Today, I volunteer at a community service agency for new immigrants where I work with children. I do it because I understand the confusion and frustration of dealing with a strange and sometimes hostile environment; I remember how it feels to be tangled up in an amalgam of unfamiliar words and sounds. And so I teach them; I give seminars on reading, writing, and speaking skills as well as Western culture, history, and sometimes, a bit of social studies.

　　But I strive to do more than just that. I try to be a friend—because I remember how Jack helped me. I organize field trips to the science center, the museum, and the symphony: double-whammy trips where children can have fun while improving their literacy skills.

　　Through these experiences, I try to understand each of them as unique individuals—their likes, dislikes, pet peeves, background.

　　Everyone needs a guiding light through the lonesome process of adaptation, a friendly bump to lift them from the dark shroud of isolation. That’s what Jack did for me—with a rather painful bump to the head—and it’s also what I do for these immigrant children.

　　My hope is that, one day, these children will also feel compelled to do the same, helping others adapt to an unfamiliar environment. With this, we can truly create a caring and cohesive network of support for the children of our society.”

　　哈佛大学招生官评论：

　　Lucien的文章描述了与他的社区服务活动之间的个人联系，并为可能显示大学申请的课外活动提供了原因。他首先遇到了一个有趣的轶事，他在加拿大认识了他的第一个朋友，并将这次相遇与他当前的热情联系在一起，然后通过自我反思和他希望实现的更大的社会目标来进行更深入的研究。他的个人陈述使读者瞥见了他的背景和对新文化的同化，以及他作为移民的经验如何激励他帮助其他移民适应新地方的生活。

　　本文的优势在于生动有趣地讲述了他与陌生人在国外新环境中的第一个朋友杰克的第一次相遇，以及他如何利用这个故事来说明他对志愿服务的热情。在文章的结尾，他将社区服务与一个更大的目标联系在一起，使读者感到鼓舞，并暗示了他的思想，希望和梦想。当他描述如何通过将头撞到桌子下面遇见他的第一个朋友时，有一种谦卑和幽默的语调，并且稍后在他谈论帮助其他移民孩子时再次提及时，使头撞出了一个主题。他谦虚地将自己在社区服务机构的高尚行为归功于与他的第一个朋友会面，并谦卑地透露了自己的希望，即他自己的善行将激励其他人将其付诸东流。

　　Lucien还可以通过在社区服务机构参加他的研讨会和组织实地考察的经历来收集他的经历，从而使这篇文章更令人回味和独特。他以清单的形式表示自己的志愿服务职责，这看起来有点非个人化和简历化。

　　例如，他提到自己是如何理解他所帮助的人的，但没有包括他如何做到这一点，或者了解这些独特的个人是否有助于他的经历。添加一个有关他如何改变他所帮助的移民生活的故事，这将增强他的信息，并与杰克如何帮助他的趣闻相提并论，因为他只吸收了他的活动部分中的一条线而融入了西方文化。总体而言，Lucien将幽默与谦虚相结合，使读者感到鼓舞。

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